it’s come to this

Ladies and gentlemen, I never thought the day would come when I would write these words, but the day has arrived.

I am sick of bacon.

Don’t want to cook it in a pan on top of the stove.

Don’t want to wrap it around cheese-stuffed dates.

Don’t want to put it into brittle with peanuts.

Don’t want to wash it out of my hair.

Don’t want to sleep in bacon scented sheets.

There have been a few bacon themed dessert items coming out of my kitchen in the last few months, all gifts, all items that are passed on, but the smell, oh, the smell she lingers. A three month moratorium might be in order before I can have that smell in my home again, but if it is something you need in your life, I offer you the following:

Maple-Bacon Ice Cream

1 1/2 cups whole milk

1 1/2 cups heavy cream

5 egg yolks

3/4 cup grade B maple syrup

1/4 cup lardons, cubed, cooked till done but not burnt and drained of grease

• Combine the milk and cream in a small pot and bring to a simmer.
• While the dairy is warming, add the maple syrup to the egg yolks in a bowl and mix thoroughly to incorporate.
• When the dairy has heated, add a small ladle full to the egg/syrup mixture, mixing all the time to incorporate and to stop the eggs from cooking. Add two more ladles, stirring all the while and then add the egg yolk mixture to the dairy still in the pot. Return the pot to a simmer and warm until registering 170° on a thermometer or till the custard coats the back of a spoon. Strain through a fine meshed sieve into a bowl and allow to cool before refrigerating for 8 hours or overnight.
• Make the ice cream according to your ice cream manufacturer’s directions, adding the lardons five minutes before the ice cream churning finishes. Allow to set in the freezer for two or more hours before serving. Eat. Confuse your tastebuds. Question if anything is sacred in this world.

If I were to make this again in the far, far off future, I would most likely add a small amount of maple extract to balance out the baconny goodness a little bit more without upping the sweet factor. And maybe crumble some bacon peanut brittle on top. Because when you’re eating bacon ice cream, there is no pretense of self control.

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